Richard Reid, the aspiring al Qaeda member who attempted to blow up an airliner in December of 2001 with explosives he smuggled aboard in his shoes, is writing letters from prison that tell of dreams he’s had that are a “blessing from Allah” indicating his “situation changing for the better in the not too distant future.”

Reid’s letters also reveal that the petty thief turned terrorist is tormented with dreams of his failed attempt to become a martyr.

“The dream is always the same,” writes Reid. “I am on the plane on that fateful day.  I’ve just joined the Mile High Club with a small infidel businessman.  I am in my seat, thinking of his delicate white shoulders and the mission ahead of me.  Unlike the cursed, inflammable Hush Puppies I chose that day, my feet are instead adorned with special edition “Richie Reid” Pro Keds, which come with a gel-cushioned heel filled with lighter fluid and an insole packed with kindling.  As I take out the matches, several flight attendants approach me.  But unlike the sturdy, unexpectedly scrappy she-devils I succumbed to that day, these attendants are frail and obedient and of course wearing the full hijab version of the American Airlines uniform.  When they see the matches, they look up, and are trapped in my powerful cross-eyed glare.  They flee, leaving me a direct view of my forbidden infidel boy-toy, who coyly places a pencil to the corner of his mouth as he says, ‘You’re a big tough martyr, aren’t you Richie Reid?’ just before I detonate.”

As for Reid’s premonition that Allah might improve his situation in the near future, prison guard Doug Atkins guessed that Allah might be alluding to the prison’s bi-annual mattress delousing scheduled for next month.

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