Retro-nose: Top 9 Statements That Would Make Ted Kennedy Cry

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy and a number of his colleagues have come under fire for their behavior during the recent Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Judge Samuel Alito. Insiders tell us that some of Senator Kennedy’s statements were so over the top that at one point, Mrs. Alito burst into tears.

This caused us to wonder, what manner of comment is so strong, so offensive that it would drive someone to tears?

In Senator Kennedy’s case we believe the following statements could do just that:   

9. “NBC news is reporting tonight that there has been a major spill at the Dewar’s bottling plant.”

8. “I have some unbelievable news dear! Splash has developed the ability to speak! Now he can talk to us about all of those adventures you two have gone on. Isn’t this wonderful?”

7. “Senator, I know that you don’t normally take visitors this late in the evening, but there are several associates of Judge Alito here and they are quite enthusiastic about speaking with you.”

6. “A four-way? Yeah, keep dreaming ‘little’ brother. Bobby, Jack you fellas ready to go?”- Marilyn Monroe

5. “And in other news, Massachusetts has passed a law making it a dry state.”

4. “Honey, remember how concerned you were about the horrendous treatment minorities were receivng after Katrina? Well, I’ve invited a few hundred real live negro families to stay with us for awhile. You know, just til they get on their feet. Isn’t that wonderful?”   

3. “I’m sorry Mr. Kennedy, but this particular strain is resistant to pennicillin.”

2. “Last call!”

1. “Senator, there’s a woman claiming to be the ghost of a Mary Jo something or other here to see you.”

 

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 17th, 2007 at 8:44 am and is filed under Conservative satire, Retro-Nose. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Comments

3 Responses to “Retro-nose: Top 9 Statements That Would Make Ted Kennedy Cry”

  1. spurwing plover on April 17th, 2007 9:25 am

    Theres several dozen 68 olemobles parked outside his estate his dog he wrote about in his book was pancaked on the highway

  2. John Ryan on April 19th, 2007 11:18 pm

    When you can’t debate issues always go for personalities

  3. Jonathan on April 20th, 2007 12:35 pm

    When you can’t debate issues always go for personalities

    Wow, what originality. If I didn’t know any better, I’d SWEAR I’ve seen that same mindless mantra from you copy-and-pasted on other righty blogs everywhere.

    You DO know this is a satire web site, don’t ya, Sporto?





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