Retro-Nose: Dear Cindy!

Peace Mom Cindy Sheehan answers your questions about life, love, and the Neo-Con PNAC agenda!

Cindy Dear Cindy:
I have been in a relationship with a man for two years, and I am in love with him. But, my question is when I say to him, “I love you,” there is nothing — just silence. What is the problem? What should I do? Am I just fooling myself?
The Silence Is Slowly Killing Me And I’m Cold– Anchorage, Alaska

Dear Silence:

Yes, you are fooling yourself.  American men are innately evil creatures, driven by lust and greed.  Why?  Let’s look at history.

The first men landed here in America about 200 years ago from Israel with large buckets of oil, sharp knives and bad intentions. When they ran out of Indians and Eskimos to kill, they started on the Iraqis. It is a blood lust that can not be satisfied.  Perhaps, instead of expecting him to say “I love you,” you should be just glad that he hasn’t slit your throat and siphoned the gas out of your car.

Have you not considered the tender touch of a woman to help you pass the cold Alaskan winters?  Perhaps the scruffy, unshowered female captain of a fishing trawler, who’s been at sea for months and smells of fish and pent-up desire?

If you insist on a male, you need to find one who appreciates you.  I’d recommend a nice Swede, or Venezuelan.

Dear Cindy:
My cat just jumped off the couch and collapsed…now she is walking, but slowly. She is only about 8 months old. I’m wondering if she ate one of the weird little bugs around our house. Nothing appears to be wrong with her legs.
Feeble Feline in Fresno

Dear Feeble:
At least your cat can eat. Did you know that most Iraqis have nothing at all to eat? They are trapped in their tee pees, unable to milk their goats or go to the Quick Chek, because American death rains on them from the sky. They would probably be happy to have some of your disease-addled bugs. I hope your cat dies.

Dear Cindy:
I have a quick math question for you: Jerry was 6 years old when his mother was 30. Now she is twice his age. How old is Jerry?
Curious in Copper Springs

Dear Curious:
Jerry is dead, killed in some far away land for oil and a neo-con agenda that only benefits a very chosen few in this world. His mother is grieving and driving an electric car.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, August 25th, 2007 at 9:39 am and is filed under Conservative satire. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Comments

One Response to “Retro-Nose: Dear Cindy!”

  1. T1 on August 25th, 2007 3:02 pm

    Dear Cindy:
    I have a quick math question for you: Jerry was 6 years old when his mother was 30. Now she is twice his age. How old is Jerry?
    Curious in Copper Springs

    I say is mother is 48 and Jerry is 24.





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