U.S Border Patrol agents have begun putting the clamps on scores of undocumented aliens who attempt to leave this country illegally. The exodus is a recent phenomenon, and one that is causing a good deal of concern.

“They usually don’t migrate from north to south,” said Border Patrol spokesman Terry Dolance. “It goes against their genetic make-up. Something is spooking them and I’m not exactly sure what it is. It could be the recent spate of immigration raids. But I suspect it has something to do with global warming; just like that angry guy who spits a lot says.”

Global warming proponents agree that severe winter weather across the country could play a role in driving aliens out of America.

“Look, these folks are not prepared for the effects of global warming,”  said Berkeley professor of climatology Fig DuBois. “The record snowfalls. The extremely cold temperatures. The sleet and ice storms. They come from countries with warm climates. They are simply not equipped to deal with this.”  

Regardless of the reason for the exodus, the work can be risky although at least one man revels in the challenge.

“Is it dangerous?” asked Border Patrol officer Martin Solsberg rhetorically. “It can be. But the simple fact is these little buggers are more scared of you than you are of them. Given the opportunity they’d much rather run away and take a nap in the sun some place. However, when that sunshine is taken away and replaced with blizzards and wintry weather, they can be very unpredictable. ”

 

 

 

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