Girl On the Right is posting saucy photos for every $100 she raises for the troops. Not to be outdone, Islamic Rage Boy is being forced has offered to post revealing photos of his own in exchange for additional sales of merchandise to help support the Canadian bloggers being sued by Richard Warman.

Since we’ve already cleared about $150 in profits for donation, here’s the first photo…

More to follow when we clear $200….

UPDATE: Islamic Rage Boy is now signing photos for infidels who purchase Islamic Rage Boy gear today. After you place your purchase , send an email to potfry@gmail.com with your name. Islamic Rage Boy will then send you a photo with a personalized death threat greeting via email (disclaimer: The Nose On Your Face is not responsible for the content of Islamic Rage Boy’s greetings). Below are autographed photos that have been sent to Kathy Shaidle at Five Feet Of Fury, Kate McMillan at Small Dead Animals, Ezra Levant, Connie and Mark at Free Dominion, Girl On The Right, and a special photo for Richard Warman are shown here.

TNOYF’s Islamic Rage Boy dispenses jihadist advice to callers on his new radio program.

The new BBC program that addresses the tough issues facing global jihadists, with your host, Islamic Rage Boy. This week, a discussion of the differences in the Ashura celebrations in Brooklyn, NY and the Mid-East.

Click here to visit the TNOYF store for this and other designs.

TAKE ME TO THE STORE

WATCH IRB’S HIT CHRISTMAS VIDEOS:

INFIDELS

SHARIA DON’T BE LATE

With Islamic Rage Boy and his sidekick Mini Mullah acting as producers, TNOYF proudly presents Ahmed and The Chipmunks with “Sharia Don’t Be Late.

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to another edition of The Islamic Rage Boy Show, where the world’s most famous Islamic fundamentalist brings together key thought-leaders from around the world to address the issues that affect you. This week, Islamic Rage Boy will lead a discussion on the recent “Teddy Bear” crisis in Sudan, where British teacher Gillian Gibbons was sentenced to two weeks in prison for allowing her students to name a teddy bear “Mohammed.” Here’s your host, Islamic Rage Boy!

IRB:Thank you for that most kind introduction. Today we are joined by Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who has been acting as steward of the new caliphate’s nearly completed British acquisition.

Gordon Brown: It’s an absolute pleasure to be here. I’m a big fan of your work.

IRB: Hold your tongue, dog. As I said in the Green Room earlier, your sycophancy will only expedite the brutal death I have planned for you. Also joining us are the justifiably upset Sudanese chapter of the Arab Street. My heart goes out to all of you at this most difficult time, my brothers.

MDS: It has been a very trying time. One that has tested all of our faith. You just never think these things can happen to you.

IRB:I do not pretend to comprehend your pain. Stay strong, you are in every single one of my seventy-nine daily prayers. Let us begin. Mr. Brown, after initially expressing “disappointment” at this “teacher’s” imprisonment, today you announced that you are “delighted” by her release, and that “common sense had prevailed.” I must confess, I agree with your initial feeling of disappointment. However, for the life of me I cannot understand why they broke from protocol and failed to gut the whore on sight. But what did you mean by “common sense had prevailed?”

GB: Excellent question, my culturally equal friend. What I meant is that by pardoning Ms. Gibbons, the Sudan has not only taken the moral high ground, but they have also demonstrated their willingness to work within the framework of international diplomacy and has emerged much the stronger for it. My guess is that you will see a large uptick in tourism to that country in the near future.

IRB: Interesting perspective…for a weak-kneed, Western she-kitten. Perhaps my Sudanese brothers can provide the correct answer?

MDS: Common sense was prevailing until the meddling British and the cowardly government of Sudan conspired to allow the whore to slip through our grasp! Tell me, how are we supposed to stone her to death now? Ahmed has a great throwing arm, but even he cannot reach her. What is the purpose of having laws if they aren’t going to be enforced?

IRB: Well said. Tell me Mr. Brown, why have you aided and abetted this criminal in subverting our laws?

Gordon Brown: Let me start by saying that by no means do I presume that the outcries for Ms. Gibbons death by enormous throngs of Sudanese citizens is in any way representative of the nation as a whole. Much in the same way that the protests calling for her death and dismemberment throughout the Muslim world are in any way representative of the peaceful religion of Islam. That being said, I think we can all agree that sentencing a woman to death over a teddy bear is a bit…harsh.

Islamic Rage Boy: Harsh?!? You are off to a poor start puppet-man. You have evaded my question. Tread lightly today…I have not yet had my fill of infidel blood and would gladly drink my fill from your lifeless skull.

MDS:You see? This is why we didn’t want to come on the show today. How do you reason with someone who is incapable of reason? Hear us infidel! The. Whore. Broke. Our. Law. We didn’t write it, we are just trying to enforce it. How Islamophobic can you get?

Gordon Brown: Islamophob…? Me? Why that is preposterous! Utterly preposterous. I am one of the best friends Muslims have in the entire United King…err…new caliphate. Why, some of my best friends are regular flag burners. I’ve even been the first assist in a female genital mutilation. I would also like to go on the record as saying that although my children do have stuffed animals, they have all been given culturally sensitive names like “Piss-Jesus Panda”, “Bishop Bartholemew Boy-Buggerer Bunny III”, and “Joshua the Jew-nosed Elephant.”

MDS: Typical. Every time an Islamophobe is called to the carpet for his insensitivity they always trot out the “some of my best friends mutilate labias all the time” argument. It’s sad really.

IRB: Now hold on a minute. Perhaps we should cut Mr. Brown some slack. After all, he did call this affair a misunderstanding. I would have used “travesty” or “blood-curdling outrage,” but we must bear in mind that he is a simpering, gutless Euro-weenie. Mr. Brown, perhaps you can explain to our Sudanese guests exactly what you misunderstood and how you’ll avoid a repeat of these mistakes in the future.

Gordon Brown:Well, a misunderstanding really requires two parties, don’t you think? Can’t we collectively admit that both the United Kingdom and America bear some of the responsibility for the unfortunate escalation of this crisis? On our part, we should have been more aware of the intricacies of sharia law, a mistake I intend to rectify as soon as possible. And on the part of the United States, I know we can all agree that President Bush’s reckless cowboy diplomacy has only served to exacerbate the multitude of offenses to Muslim dignity the world over.

MDS: Well…he does have a point.

IRB:You see? It is possible for all of us to come to an understanding. I would like to thank our guests for coming on the program tonight. Please be sure to join us tomorrow when our guest will be world-renowned chef Osman the Opulent, who will be showing us how to make some of his favorite holiday treats including his famous Jews-in-a-blanket.

Most performers can point to one evening where they felt it all came together for them, where, almost inexplicably, they found that magical zone that left the audience knowing that they had witnessed something special.

For TNOYF’s Islamic Rage Boy, that evening was 8 months ago at the Sheraton Tel-Aviv. Enjoy.

I have temporarily suspended my jihad against the West in order to straighten out a handful of increasingly pressing matters that continue to haunt me.

A number of pretenders to the Islamic Rage Boy throne have emerged in recent months, and dispatching of them is now of paramount importance to my own personal code of honor, as well as to the IRB franchise.

First and foremost is the most vocal, and persistent, of them all: an Indian who used to call himself “Shakeel Bhat.” This wretch who has taken to using my name, describes himself as “a professional protester”, which is really code for “curry-drenched ass-pirate.” The mighty IRB a protester? Bah! There are far too many Jews to incinerate and whores to mutilate to waste time marching and whimpering like a New York Times op-ed columnist on Newt Gingrich Appreciation Day.

Next came the one who calls himself “King Leonidas.” Oh he may not have used my name, but make no mistake about it: he has been quite consciously stealing my patented moves for some time. This Greek swine should have stuck to making sculptures or performing acts of sodomy rather than drawing the ire of this Persian. We shall soon see how he and his vaunted “300″ fare against a school bus packed from exit door to driver’s seat with C-4, barreling down the Pass of Thermopylae at them.

Now yet another vapid cur pretending to be yours truly has surfaced in Pakistan. This proboscisally-over-endowed mouth-breather was recently featured on the cover of Newsweek magazine in full Islamic Rage Boy garb. He was even sporting my officially licensed throwback dishadasha! Does their insolence know no bounds?

To top it all off, a rather burly homosexual American man has been unapologetically lifting my facial gestures, mannerisms, and voice tone in order to further his pathetic career. This man, who goes by “Rosie,” is perhaps the most insidious -and obvious- of them all. He is the Beatlemania to my Beatles. The “Bobcat”Goldthwait to my Sam Kinison. The Whitesnake to my Zeppelin. He must be first to go.

To add insult to injury, my attempt to have my own likeness trademarked was refused on legal grounds by an overeager - and temporarily still breathing- United States patent attorney several months back. Mark my words, he too will be made to pay. Hear me now, Mr. Fancy Trademark Attorney-Guy: no human being is illegal!

A new day has dawned. Islamic Rage Boy will suffer poseurs and con men no more!

It has come to my attention that our humble website, The Nose On Your Face, has been nominated as “The Funniest Blog” by an obviously pro-Israeli organization that calls itself “The 2007 Weblog Awards.” My initial question is, funny how? Am I acting like a clown to you? My purpose is to provide amusement for you, the future Dhimmi’s of the Western world? I think not.

Initially, I was going to denounce the nomination as yet another trick by the evil Zionist conspirators to mock and ridicule a serious-minded, devout Muslim male. And if the crime I am being charged with is caring too much about my faith, then I plead “guilty” on all counts. That is, if I accepted your corrupt courts as having jurisdiction over a true believer such as myself. Which I do not.

I have decided to change tactics. On behalf of my infidel companions, Buckley and Potfry (the latter who makes a mean chick pea roll-up, by the way), I accept this nomination and I command… I mean I ask for your assistance in helping us win this most prestigious honor. Once victorious, I will use the platform much the same way as your Hollywood celebrities do: to denounce America and George Bush, and to further the cause of Islamic extremism. However, I promised myself I will not cry.

So, like a dead Democrat in a presidential election year, vote early and vote often (we are listed 18th and 32nd on the list; a clear sign of the anti-Muslim bias of the award’s Jew creators). I can only assume that you merely click on the “+” icon after our nomination, as I could not find an abacus anywhere.

Guest Editorial by Islamic Rage Boy

After hearing the mounting lies and distortions from Westerners and assorted other infidels on the subject of the giant statue of a “meditating” Buddha that was blown up in the Swat district on Saturday- for which I take full responsibility- I thought it only proper to respond.

First of all, meditation is in the eye of the beholder. The only time the obese Buddhist wretch displayed any signs of “peace” or “tranquility” was after we had dispatched him with several thousand pounds of well-placed C-4. Until that point, he was poised cat-like, ready to strike at me and my fellow peaceloving Muslims who had merely happened through the area in search of one of our wayward whores who had skipped out on her daily genital caning.

Imagine our shock and horror when we came around the corner to find this overstuffed stone cabbage prepared to attack with the fury of a thousand jungle beasts. Anyone who claims that Buddhism is the religion of peace, clearly has not encountered one of these ferocious sedimentary leviathans who act as the gatekeepers of this most oppressive faith.   

As we drew back in terror, the behemoth kept coming, mocking us with chants of “That Danish cartoon was spot on, Muslim swine!” and “Your mama’s so haram, they performed her cliterectomy in effigy!” As he taunted us, lightning bolts flew at us from his eyes and flames lapped at us from his outstretched fingertips! 

We were simply defending ourselves, much the same way we would be forced to defend ourselves against hordes of rampaging homosexuals who sought to subjugate us via their malevolent leers and impeccable sense of fashion - if such creatures in fact existed.

Dear Islamic Rage Boy,

I need some guidance. My husband is the jealous type, and it is beginning to cause problems in our marriage. When we first started dating, I thought it was sort of cute that he would threaten other guys if they talked to, or looked at, me. You know, like it meant he really loved me. However, after being married just a brief time (six months next Friday), it is really starting to put a strain on the relationship.

For example, we were at the beach the other day and he got totally mad that I was wearing what he calls my “whore-wear.” It’s just a modest one-piece suit! He even yelled at me in front of some people and called me a slut! On top of that, he punched one of the lifeguards in the neck just because he said “hi” to me. My friend Jenny said that he is abusive and that I should leave him.

I really love him, but am rapidly being pushed over the edge. Help!

Jealously Guarded In Jacksonville

Dear Jealously,

Never have I before encountered such a selfish, ungrateful cur as yourself. “Oh, Islamic Rage Boy, my husband is mean to me! Wahhh, he yelled at me! Boo hoo hoo!” Enough!

Let me tell you what I see. I see a man who has taken tolerance, multiplied it by Gandhi, and then added ridiculous plus ten to the sum. Count your blessings you simpering harlot, were you my property, your overindulged American genitalia would feel the sting of my switch even as we speak. Tell me, do his other wives complain in a manner such as yours?

However, there is plenty of blame to go around in this dysfunctional coupling of which you are a part.

To your cowardly husband I ask the following: Why have you allowed your chattel to have Internet access? Can you honestly say you are surprised at her insolence given the radical ideas to which she has clearly been exposed? While I appreciate the fact that you reacted violently to her sporting uncovered skin at the beach, why was she allowed out of the house in the first place? And why was the object of your aggression this lifeguard and not the truly guilty party? It is as my father used to say, “If you hit them with a large stone, they ask for a medium. If they are thus pelted with a medium stone, they pine for the small.” Set about putting your house in order, boy.

Also, please forward me the address of this “Jenny” you spoke of. She has much to say, this one. I should very much like to speak with her regarding her tragically misguided dispensation of marital advice.

Although he is not a licensed therapist, Islamic Rage Boy is a clinical jihadist with expertise in a wide array of fields including: floral arrangements, etiquette, English grammar, homeopathy, animal grooming, anti-Semitic behavior, and the making of hit records.

Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume I

Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume II

Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume III

Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume IV

Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume V

We recently learned that TNOYF’s application for trademark protection for Islamic Rage Boy had been rejected, “because the proposed mark consists of or includes matters which may disparage or bring into contempt or disrepute persons, institutions, beliefs, or national symbols,” according to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

While we’ve copyrighted IRB, we thought we’d take a shot at the full monty in an effort to protect the intellectual property. Unfortunately for us, we seem to have run into a brash young government lawyer who’s decided his job is to decide what is offensive and what is not.

Some of his more Darrowesque conclusions (NOTE: Non-italicized words are verbatim quotes from the rejection letter):

“The mark as a whole, stereotypes male Muslims as having an extremist and terrorist-like element (As opposed to the more common Muslim stereotype, a reticent fly-fisherman). Such a meaning is clearly offensive to all Muslims (translation: such a mark is clearly offensive to violent Muslim extremists and effeminate U.S. trademark attorneys.  Tell us, you simpering paper-pusher: at what point will it be okay for us to poke fun at those who wish to enroll us in an involuntary “head relocation program?”). One site estimates that there are six to seven million Muslims in the United States (”One site”? I’m sorry, but should you really be Googling census figures? Don’t you work for the government?).A recent poll shows that 96% of American Muslims consider Islam an important factor in their daily lives’ (And another shows that 35% are OK with blowing up non-believers to demonstrate that importance. So if your carefully researched Google numbers are correct, that makes around 2.2 million or so practitioners of the religion of peace who don’t give a flying falafel whether or not you are trying to protect their delicate religious sensibilities;  they’ll be happy to see you blown up just the same.).

The word portion of applicant’s mark combines the terms “Islamic”, “Rage”, and “Boy.” (Tell me, do you have a sign on your desk that reads: “Your tax dollars hard at work.”?)The word “rage” means: (1) “a violent and uncontrolled anger”, (2) “a fit of violent wrath”; and (3) “a violent action.” The word “Islam” means “peace, the surrendering of oneself to God” (I know. We are continuously stumped by the incongruency these fellows show as well.) Thus, viewed together (I must say that I love the way you deftly weave these threads together, creating a legal tapestry that promises to delight), Islamic rage conjures up the image of violent Muslim extremists (every time I read your words, my brain vomits just a little bit inside of my skull.). Associating Muslims with the imagery of extreme violence would be offensive not only to Muslims, but also to the entire American public (as members of the American public, we wanted to thank you for informing us that we are in fact offended. Now, let me make sure I understand the rest of your carefully honed legalese: You are upset that male Muslims are being associated with extreme violence? What is your stance on peanut butter being associated with jelly?).  Indeed, Al-Qaeda’s second in command Ayman al-Zawahri threatened Americans by stating “You are facing the Islamic rage“ (if you insist on making our points for us, the least you could do is approve the trademark.). Here, applicant’s mark essentially creates that very offensive image of grouping all Muslims as terrorists (are you responding to our request for the trademark of “Islamic Rage Boy” or the lesser known “Islamic ‘Every Single Muslim Is A Bloodthirsty Killer’ Rage Boy”? Because we withdrew that one last year.).  Indeed (again with the “indeed”, I think you might be hearing from Glenn Reynolds’ attorney.) there are millions of Muslims the world over who are living peaceful lives and have a great love of their religion (and there are a great many people - Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus et al- who are no longer living because of the fascist beliefs and murderous acts of Muslim extremists. Tell me again why we can’t make fun of them?).  Accordingly, it is wholly inaccurate and offensive to label all male Muslims as being extremists (fair enough, but based on my experience so far it seems perfectly reasonable to label all patent attorneys “politically-correct, mincing douchebags”) .

The offensive nature of applicant’s mark is further augmented in light of America’s post 9/11 environment (I bet you are a scream at parties).  Viewed in this context, applicant’s mark further offends Muslim males by equating ordinary male Muslims with violent and extreme actions (hey, are you the guy that pushed for elderly white ladies and toddlers to be strip-searched at the airport?). One Muslim was described as being “hesitant to perpetuate the stereotype of an extremist Muslim” (so he took the suicide belt off?). Another attached article also states that “Muslims fear they are the victims of overzealous investigators (preach on brother. I too am pretty sick and tired of reading all of the “Another innocent Muslim beaten to death by Christian extremists” headlines.) who buy into negative stereotypes that depict people of Islamic faith as extremists.” (Hey, no fair. You didn’t tell us that we could attach articles in support of our case!).

 Returning to applicant’s mark, ISLAMIC RAGE BOY consists of matter that perpetuates negative stereotypes of male Muslims.  Specifically, applicant’s mark refers to Islam as a faith of violent extremists (I know, but “Amish Rage Lad” and “The Bloodthirsty Buddhist Mauler” just didn’t ring true for us.).  As one American has said, “it’s not fair to apply such a negative stereotype to all Muslims.”  (Well, if one American said it, that changes everything).

Taking into consideration the term “boy” in applicant’s mark (he’s going in for the death blow now) further increases the offensive meaning of the said mark.  The use of the term “boy” in applicant’s mark is set below a picture of a yelling man (we tried to put it sideways across his taint, but our rudimentary Photo Shop skills prohibited this).  In this context, “boy” is “offensive” and means “a male servant” (or just a hairy adolescent with a squeaky voice.). Labeling Islamic men as “boys” is not only demeaning, but also belittles them (you forgot “mocks” and ”emasculates”).

One final point, the intent of applicant is not relevant to a disparagement inquiry (Translation: My noble work is done here, do not question me peasants.)

Accordingly, the proposed mark is refused registration under Section 2(a).

(P.S. Be sure to kill me last, Mr. Bin Laden.)

9/12/2007: UPDATE 1

Hot Air discovered that EvilChristians is a registered trademark.

9/12/2007: UPDATE 2

Many requests for the acutal rejection document, so here are the relevant pages.  If you want all the attachments, you need some new hobbies, but shoot me an email (potfry@aol.com).

Click to enlarge.