In an unprecedented move to support their financially struggling back-up first baseman, the Red Sox announced yesterday that they would hold a bake sale on opening day to create a college fund for the children of Doug Mientkiewicz.

The Mientikiewicz’s situation came to light recently when it was revealed Doug was holding on to the ball he caught for the last out of the World Series “to put my kids through college.”

“People think baseball players make so much money,” said Mientkiewicz’s wife, Jody. “But there’s a lifestyle we have to keep up with. It’s quite challenging on $2.8 million dollars a year.”

In fact, Mientkiewicz was quick to point out that his 2004 salary of $2.8MM was just above the league average of $2.3MM. “So, when you think about it, if the average household income is $43,000, I’m only making $52,000 a year. I think it helps regular folks when I put like that.”

It certainly did. The immediate public outpouring for Mientkiewicz and his family in and around Boston has been overwhelming, as thousands of financially struggling taxi drivers, construction workers, and waitresses have sent money to the Red Sox.

“I just feel simpatico with the guy,” said one waitress we spoke to at a bustling diner near Fenway. “I’m worried about college for my kids too. Hey, if you see Doug, can you ask him what the deal is with his name? How you get “Men-ka-vich” out of Mientkiewicz is beyond me. It should be “Mient-ki-witz.”

The bake sale concept was a clear signal that Red Sox management understood Mientkiewicz’s plight.

“Do the math,” said Theo Epstein. “Doug has made $5.2MM in his career so far. After luxury cars, McMansions, boats, jewelry, bodyguards, publicists, therapists, and pet camp, you try to pay for college.”

So fans entering Fenway on Opening Day will be greeted with an array of tasty treats, many made by the players themselves. Rumors are that Manny Ramirez will contribute one of his famous “Chocolate Salsa Swirl” Pies. John Henry and his wife Kathy will serve the thousands of fans as they come in with aprons that say “Save Minky’s Kids”.

“I wish I could pay Doug more,” said an obviously emotional Henry. “I understand what he’s going through. You have tough choices to make when you’re making $2.8MM a year. Chauffeur or Spa Treatment? Dual Monogrammed Hummers or the summer house in Vail? And then college on top of it?”

“I’m not going to sell the ball for a few years, so the bake sale is perfectly timed,” said Mientkiewicz. “ I need a deposit for my fishing trip to Alaska.”

Related posts 

1. Please Stop Ego Surfing
2. Interview with a Red Sox fan
3. ARod gets a call from the Governor
4. Idiocy Reigns: The Red Sox Win
5. 14 Year Old Who Had Sex With Teacher Seeks Medical Attention for “Excessive High-Fives”