With the Red Sox down 2-0 in the ALCS and Red Sox Nation on the verge of all out revolt, the troubled franchise could hardly withstand another crisis. But, yesterday, rumors that have circulated for years gained some credibility: Manny Ramirez talks to his boogers.

It’s widely been acknowledged for years that Ramirez is a two-knuckle nose-picker. But the fear that he was actually having dialogue with his dried snot wasn’t confirmed until just recently, when a former Red Sox player made the stunning confirmation.

“Manny used to line his boogers up in his locker, and have little skits with them,” said the anonymous player. “I mean, we all knew he was crazy, but talking boogers? I surpised him once after batting practice and he had this one booger playing Hamlet…it was really scary.”

The Red Sox have seemed to tolerate Ramirez’s booger fascination– until recently. After a particularly bad at bat, manager Terry Francona asked Ramirez why he swung at a 3-0 pitch out of the strike zone. “Mr. Booger said to,” replied Ramirez, to the stunned silence of the Red Sox bench.

Management plans to talk to talk to Ramirez about his posse of nasal discharge after the season.

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