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Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume VIII
Dear Islamic Rage Boy:I am a young Muslim woman living in Pakistan, and I desperately need your advice. My father recently gave me to one of his friends as a bride. I was not thrilled with the choice, but being a devout follower of Allah and the Qu’ran, I have decided to make the best of it. I find that if I breathe evenly through my mouth (depending on where he is in his shower cycle, it can get rather odorous) and concentrate on a spot on the ceiling, it’s usually over pretty quickly, praise be to Allah.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing is concerning the beatings. While I understand this is his way of showing his love for me, I find it difficult to tend to my wifely duties with broken fingers. Is there a way to bring up this subject without incurring his wrath?
Sincerely,
Cowering In Kandahar
Dear Cowering:
Please take the following steps.
1. Turn-off and unplug your computer.
2. Throw it over the edge of the nearest cliff.
3. Making sure to first cover yourself, go outside.
4. Find a round rock that fits comfortably in your palm. Nothing too smooth.
5. Say the following: “I am sorry, dear Allah, for using modern technology,” over and over again.
6. Bash the rock repeatedly into your skull until unconscious.
Thank you,
Islamic Rage Boy
P.S. If by chance you survive the encounter, do not even consider the possibly of having your laptop repaired. We will be monitoring you a bit more closely from now on.
- Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume VI
- Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume V
- Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume IV
- Islamic Rage Boy Archives and Store
- Ask Islamic Rage Boy: Volume III
Tags: , advice column, conservative, Conservative satire, humor, Islamic Rage Boy, Islamofascism, laptop repair, parody, republican, Satire
Who let this woman learn to read and write Rage Boy? I trust you are as upset as I am.
You guessed correctly John. It’s nice to see that as an infidel, you are willing to cross the aisle on such an egregious breach of human conduct as this.
I am nothing if not fair.
I find that if I breathe evenly through my mouth (depending on where he is in his shower cycle, it can get rather odorous) and concentrate on a spot on the ceiling, it’s usually over pretty quickly, praise be to Allah.
IRB, you should have counseled the woman that she was blessed by Allah that she is married to a Muslim that even HAS a shower cycle. What an ungrateful harlot! Isn’t complaining about one’s husband grounds for stoning?