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One Dog Speaks Out On Michael Vick Indictment
Guest Editorial
by Sampson the Dog
After watching the nauseating spectacle that the Michael Vick dogfighting situation has become over the past week - combined with the fact that I used to mix it up a bit myself back in the day- I felt I had to weigh in to set the record straight on a few things.
First, I am a dog. I socialize exclusively with dogs (and occasionally Gary Busey). As far as we can tell, neither I nor any of my canine companions have ever asked PETA to speak up for us on anything. Ever. I mean. have you seen these f***ing people? Look, I may lick my own balls from time to time, and on the odd occasion I have been known to eat my friends’ feces, but I need PETA’s endorsement like Ted Kennedy’s liver needs some further discoloration. Thanks guys, but we’ve got this one covered.
Second, media coverage. I can only take so many Michael Vick questions. Unless Anna Nicole Smith is resurrected, matriculates into college, goes on spring break to the Caribbean, and ends up getting eaten by drug-dealing reef sharks, we’ll never hear the end of this. However, the daywalker Van Sustern has been strangely subdued on the whole matter. Let’s hope it stays that way.
And finally, no one has actually talked to me or my friends about whether or not we actually want to fight to the death. Many of us do. It’s not like we have a ton of options. Guide dog for the blind? It sounds like fun, but after the novelty of leading your owner into gay porno bookstores or bringing him home to the wrong house wears off, it gets to be a bit dull. House dog? I don’t think so. We left the plantation behind us a long time ago. Firehouse dog? Let’s see, the firemen get turbo-charged hoses, hi-tech communications equipment, and wear state-of-the-art, flame-resistant clothing. We get to sport fur coats, bare paws, and exposed genitalia. Seems fair. Thanks guys, but I’ll take my chances duking it out in the ring with a hungry pit bull.
These must be some of the same do-gooders who kept complaining about dwarf-tossing a few years back, and finally got it banned. I’m sure the dwarf citizenry is thrilled that their career options are now limited to being Bingo the Clown’s helper at children’s parties and appearances as extras in Ron Jeremy’s It’s A Small Hole (After All) film series.
Sampson out. Kidding. I just like to f*** with that Twinkie-juggler Seacrest.
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Somebody give that dog a bone. (Or better yet, throw him in the ring with some of those PETA protestors!) I’ve gotta say, Sampson is one of the best guest bloggers I’ve seen in a while. Maybe you guys oughtta make him a regular! I’d love to see him put the bite on Nancy Pelosi, or see his take on Islamic Rage Boy.
Keep up the great work, guys!
Great stuff Sampson. You need to let this idiot here a thing or two: http://www.unboundedition.com/content/view/1676/50/
Are you kidding me? You find this humorous at all? Neanderthals, the lot of you. Did you see what he did to these animals?
Go back to making fun of creatures (like Paris Hilton) that can mount a defense. Not defenseless ones that did nothing wrong. Making light of these deaths is like making fun of 9/11.
In poor poor taste.
I can’t believe you make light of such barbaric behavior! How Uncouth!
Everyone knows that all civilized people don’t patronize dog fighting. They patronize cock fighting!
This post is in incredibly poor taste. There is nothing funny about the situation. Animals were tortured and killed for sick amusement, and this sort of post is an extension of the mentality that says causing pain to animals is okay so long as some moron gets a chuckle. I’ve got a HUGE sense of humor and a sarcastic streak a mile wide, but the Vick situation should spark outrage and not humor and sympathy for the jerk. I hope he rots in jail and gets decades to consider the life he threw away and the suffering he needlessly inflicted.
From reading your previous comments I would concur that not nearly as many people as I thought have a decent sense of humor. I’m sure Sampson would agree with me when I say, “Augie and Julie, how dare you presume to stereotype a species and what’s best for them, based solely on your moral template.”
Seriously. When comedy can no longer be “in poor taste” and must meet standards of political correctness, the world will cease to have any humor at all. Jeez! We’re almost there now.
Arf, arf!
And that pretty cocker spaineil he is ayeing is realy TOMMY KIRK is tirned into LADY the cocker sapneils look alike brother