Good day. In the wake of former Atlanta Mayor Andrew Young’s assertion that Bill Clinton is just as black as Barack Obama, we are here to discuss the impact that race has historically had on Democratic politics, as well as the role it will play in the upcoming Democratic primaries. With me to discuss this issue will be presidential candidates John Edwards, Chris Dodd, Joe Biden, and Dennis Kucinich. But before we get started, let’s first take a look at a new poster from the Clinton campaign that broke today.

 

 

 

Clearly, there’s no doubt Senator Clinton is playing up her street cred during the 2008 campaign. But this would not be the first time we’ve seen such an approach from a Democratic candidate. For instance…

 

 

 

FDR was a true pioneer in garnering votes from the African-American community. Here is one of the very few times he was ever photographed in a wheelchair: a street-legal, 500-horsepower Cadillac Poliomatic SRX replete with, in his words, “a bumping system, curb feelers, and tricked-out spinny-rims.”

 

 

 

And here we see a shot from Jimmy Carter’s successful 1976 presidential campaign. His slogan, “Pimpin’ & Presidentin’ Ain’t Easy, But JC Can Rock Both,” is still considered by some to be one of the most effective crossover messages in political history.

 

 

 

We are fortunate to have many of the leading Democratic candidates for president with us today to discuss this topic. Senator Edwards let me start with you. In your opinion what role, if any, should race play in politics, and when do you feel that a candidate has crossed the line into bad taste or even playing up racial stereotypes?

 

 

Brit, let me start by saying that your question is a very good one. I for one am appalled that any of the candidates would try to play up their “blackness.” Particularly Barack Obama, who seems to think he’s the only black man in the campaign.

 

 

He is the only black man in the campaign, Senator.

 

 

Hogwash, Brit. The way I see it, you either have soul or you do not have soul. I am very fortunate to have been blessed with an overabundance of soul that has allowed me to connect with people of all races, both dead and alive. Why, just before I came here today I channeled the spirit of a young black girl named Shontiq’ua. Shontitq’ua told me she was brutally beaten and raped by all of the other leading Democratic presidential hopefuls, and then had her lower colon sucked out by a pool filter. This brave child wanted me to let you all know that she strongly supports my campaign, because she knows I’ll bring her justice, and a new colon.

 

 

Umm, Senator Edwards. Have you been tanning? Like, a lot?

 

 

 

I’m not quite sure what you mean, B.

 

 

OK–Senator Dodd, where do you stand on the use of “blackness” as an issue in presidential campaigns?

 

 

Yo, yo, yo Britt! That junk is whack. Let me set something straight a’ight? Hillary sho as hell cain’t dunk. She tried to throw it down on me one time and I rejected that s*** right back in her face, yo.

 

 

Senator, are you wearing blackface?

 

What kinda racist bulls*** is that? You wearing whiteface motherf*****?

 

 

Let’s move on to Dennis Kucinich.

 

 

 

How are you today Brit?

 

 

 

Very well, thank you, Senator. I see that you came with your regular skin color.

 

 

 

Of course, Britt. Altering my appearance to pander for votes is not my style.

 

 

 

I’m sure the average black voter will appreciate you taking the high ground.

 

 

 

 

True dat. And I ’spose da average black man is also gonna ‘preciate the new DK-bucket at KFC.

Nothin but crispy left wings!

 

 

 

Ohhh. Senator Biden?

 

 

Did somebody say fried chicken?

 

 

Does anyone have a sharp object I could drive into my eye?

 

 

 

 

Brit-ster, let me be the first to say that this is a great idea to get everyone together to talk about this very important topic. I’d go so far as to call it DY-NO-MITE!

 

 

Sweet merciful Jesus.

 

 

Psst. Brit. Let’s keep this between us, OK?

 

 

Of course, Senator. I promise not to tell anyone that you’re wearing a Jimmy Walker mask.

 

 

You da man!

 

Well, mercifully, we’ve about run out of time-

 

Whoa, B-Man. I need to send a shout out before we go, news-dawg.

 

Of course you do.

 

I just wanna say w’sup to my homey Blark in the outer nebulla of Saturn.

 

 

That spaceman sh*t is whack, yo.

 

 

Said the Senator covered in shoe polish.

 

 

Don’t make me come ovah there and put a cap in yo ass, Dodd.

 

Nutter, please. You better recognize. Let me break it off for you like this:

Straight outta Hartford a crazy motherf**** named C-Dodd

Step to me, I’ll drown you off Cape Cod

Bust you in the mouth and toss yo ass off the boat

You better pray those XXXL ears can float.

 

This is Brit Hume, signing off.

 

 

Related posts 

1. Chancres Away! Hillary To Stay In The Race Despite Husband’s Recurring STD
2. Affirmative Action Adjustments For Blacks Play Role, But Uber-minorities Could Decide Dem Primary
3. Edwards Endorsement Brings Crucial Swing Voters Into Play For Obama
4. Obama Cuts Ties With Controversial Postman
5. Lieberman Claims He Was Misquoted, Never Sang “Day’s Never Finished, Massa Got Me Workin”… With Clinton