Welcome to the November 6 edition of the Dennis Kucinich Presidential Campaign Update with your host, Anne Marie Howard.

 

Hello and welcome. Dennis Kucinich’s race to the White House continued this week as Dennis yesterday presented a privileged resolution to the House calling for the impeachment of Vice President Dick Cheney.

And we have a special treat, because Dennis has taken time out of his busy schedule to explain the reasoning behind this bold, visionary move.

Thanks Anne Marie. You are very kind. I just want to start by saying that although I am the one who brought this resolution to the House, it took a strong effort on both sides of the aisle to make it actually happen.

You mean?

Yes. I am proud to say that through my tireless efforts, this impeachment resolution has received broad bi-galactic support. And may I add, an overwhelming amount of support at that.

Incredible. There are so many galaxies out there with intelligent life. Was it the Zxharthians from Trolon-6? The Goracs from the Internebulon Confederation? I’m sure our viewers are just dying to find out. I know I am!

Excellent guesses, both. However, I think the spaceship touching down behind me should jog your memory just a bit.

Oh my word! Is that…is that the Taneticklian delegation from the outer rim of the Anusian Belt?

Indeed it is Anne Marie. As you know, the Taneticklians have been steadfast and true partners of the uber-progressive wing of the Democrat party (me, mostly) in our ongoing battle to restore America to the glorious heights it has attained in my rather elaborate — and not infrequent — “visions.”

And is that the Taneticklians Grand Master, Barnahk Flenmong?

You don’t miss a trick Anne Marie. I’ve known Barnahk since my college days when we met at an intergalactic mixer. We became inseparable after he abducted and sedated Jeanne Davidson, a college classmate I had a huge crush on but who didn’t even know I existed. To this day, Jeanne’s girl-parts remain the only real, live human vagina that I have ever seen, and I have Barnahk to thank for the viewing. Shortly after, I agreed to give him a weekly sample of my feces in exchange for his helping me with this problem I had with a monster infestation under my bed. We’ve been very close ever since.

You know, I’ve heard that story a million times and I still get chills! But back to the issue at hand. Those on the right will accuse you of playing politics because of your resolution against Mr. Cheney. Some of the nastier ideologues will even question your sanity. How would you respond to these assertions?

Well first of all, this isn’t a political matter. Furthermore, I am not trying to be unreasonable here. There is a way out of this situation for the vice president. All we’re asking — all we’ve ever asked — is that he submit to the standard Taneticklian rectal truth probe to prove that his conscience is clear. If he has nothing to hide, this resolution will go away quickly, with the swelling and rectal bleeding subsiding shortly after.

Yes, I remember it took about two weeks for the bleeding to stop after my first probe. Now I get one yearly, whether I need it or not!

Excellent! Keep up that attitude, Anne Marie, and you’ll be a Level 4 Taneticklian before the third moon of Plong is in the western sky! Before I go, Anne Marie, I wanted to make an important announcement. Are you ready?

Does the short-haired Cyblorg defecate in the Mollow Bog?

Barnahk is here beside me not only to support the Cheney resolution, but also to help me announce my candidacy for Exalted Ruler of the Intergalactic Federation, with Barnahk as my Supreme Vice Ruler. Given the frequency and insistence of my visions, I decided that the Presidency of the United States would not give me the broad scope I need to affect change. And as you know, the Exalted Ruler’s domain includes Earth, and is second only to the UN in celestial authority. Now, we’ve been polling strongly throughout the northeastern multi-verse, but given its progressive tradition, that should not be a huge surprise to anyone. However, it is worth noting that we have picked up some major endorsements in the historically conservative Dorakkk Cluster. Given that, I really like our chances in the general election.

Well, there you have it folks. Kucinich-Flemong looks to be the hottest, and certainly the most rectally significant, ticket in next year’s election — assuming the rumored Larry Craig-Barney Frank ticket doesn’t materialize. Be sure to tune in for next week’s edition of the Dennis Kucinich Campaign Update.

 

 

 

 

 

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