(Originally Posted, December 3, 2006)

Lurking in the dark of Sadr City’s slumsPlanning my attack, dodging Arab thugs

Bombs on waistlines make, a splendid glorious sight

By Muhammad’s beard I hope for 72 virgins tonight.

Oh, infidels, infidels

In the Holy Land!

Oh what joy it brings to cut

Off an ear nose head or hand!

(Repeat)

A fortnight or two ago, I was praying on my rug

When Hasim bin Farook gave my arm a tug

A Humvee he did spot, upon it’s nightly rounds

So we launched an RPG to see if it was armored down.

Oh, infidels, infidels

In the Holy Land!

Oh what joy it brings to cut

Off an ear nose head or hand!

(Repeat)

A day or two ago, wife six tripped out the door

Her ankle came exposed, I cursed her for a whore

To avoid Allah’s wrath, I flogged her brutally

Hey I don’t make the rules I merely call it as I see!

Oh, infidels, infidels

In the Holy Land!

Oh what joy it brings to cut

Off an ear nose head or hand!

(Repeat)

Other Islamic Rage Boy Hits: “Baby What A Pack Of Lies”

Be sure to visit The Nose On Your Face’s new Cafe Press store for the complete line of officially licensed Islamic Rage Boy merchandise.

(Originally posted October 24, 2006)

In our never-ending efforts to bring our readers the latest talent, TNOYF has assembled a new, as yet unnamed, house band behind Islamic Rage Boy, who in addition to being a severer of heads is also an accomplished guitarist and lyricist.

(The TNOYF house band, from left: Barbra Streisand, Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin, John Kerry, Islamic Rage Boy, Cindy Sheehan, and Cynthia McKinney)

The first song, �Baby, What a Pack of Lies� from an unplugged session in the TNOYF studios, can be heard by clicking the above play button. This song was written by Islamic Rage Boy and Buckley F. Williams and represents what we hope will be the first in a long line of cross-cultural accoustical collaborative efforts.

Baby What A Pack Of Lies

Islamic Rage Boy and Friends

Unplugged

I never tickled Akhbar�s thighs

I�ll gut the pig who�s accusatin� it

I�ll remove his spleen and then start rapin� it

Baby what a pack of lies

I never tickled Akhbar�s thighs

Last Ramadan it seemed to me

That Akhbar was looking for something more

By Saladin I�m not his Persian man-whore

Baby what a pack of lies

I never tickled Akhbar�s thighs

The mere hint of a tryst

is enough to get me disemboweled

Why did he fib this way?

Okay, I like Streisand

And felt Gigli was underrated

But I don�t swing that way!

Like I said I�m not his whore

Though I�ve glory-holed the odd camel in m�day

Could you please just ix-nay on the a-gay?

Baby what a pack of lies

I never tickled Akhbar�s thighs

Baby what a pack of lies

(Even when he looks at me with those big eyes)

Baby what a pack of lies

(My true feelings I cannot surmise)

Baby what a pack of lies

(Let me get a burger, coke and medium fries)

Baby what a pack of lies

(On second thought, let me super size)

Baby what a pack of lies

(I should stick to animals instead of guys)

Baby what a pack of lies

(Cloven mammals cannot tell these lies)

copyright 2006 TNOYF Productions

Dear Islamic Rage Boy,

I am a faithful Wahhabist living in the satanic pit of America and have recently found it necessary to burn my wife at the stake for her insolence. My problem is threefold. First, the cost of gasoline has risen to such a price that it almost makes me question my sentence of a “painful, fiery death.” Second, every time I secure her to the woodpile, these pain-in-the-ass environmentalist groups keep protesting me. Apparently the kindling I chose comes from a tree that is home to some endangered bird. Mark my words, when the land of the Great Satan finally becomes an Islamic state, the cursed spotted owl will be first in line to feel the cold steel of my sword. Third, clearly I want my children to be a part of this important event, but I am concerned about the effects on their self-esteem. Would you recommend they stand right next to me while I engulf their mother in flames, or would it be preferable to film it and show them the video at a later date? Any wisdom you can impart would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Pyrotechnically-challenged in Peoria

Dear Pyrotechnically-challenged,

Whoa. Slow down my friend. You have asked me many questions, but you have left out a great deal of critical information. First of all, I cannot be sure that death by fire is the proper response to your wife’s infraction. Perhaps the situation merely calls for a severe beating of the uvula or a vigorous genital caning. Please be more specific next time.

However, for the sake of argument we must err on the side of severity. Let’s just say that your wife exposed her left temple while in public and thus is deserving of a flame-laden, blistering death. As Muhammad al bin Farou noted in his seminal piece on the topic, There Must Be 50 Ways To Sautee Your Lover, “…the cost of the punishment is of no import. What is paramount is that swift, even-handed justice be meted out.”

In other words, even if regular unleaded tops $4.00 a gallon you are obliged to pay this price. The monetary inconvenience to you is insignificant in the face of the wrong you are righting.

Good luck and please let me know how it turns out.

Although he is not a licensed therapist, Islamic Rage Boy is a clinical jihadist with expertise in a wide array of areas including: floral arrangements, etiquette, English grammar, homeopathy, animal grooming, and the making of hit records.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER

Even though she’s left The View, Rosie O’Donnell continues to offer her insightful worldly perspectives via a video blog featuring her family members in candid moments.

 Using our special top-secret “Photo Mind Reader” technology, TNOYF is delighted to present this photo essay.

CLICK TO ENLARGE PHOTOS

Be sure to check out some of these other Rosie O’Donnell Posts:

The Larynx: A Dr. Seuss From Beyond The Grave Tale

Rosie O’Donnell’s Post-”View” Poetry

Dear Islamic Rage Boy,

My first daughter has come of age for genital mutilation and as you can imagine, I am quite nervous. She is the apple of my eye and I want to make sure that everything goes smoothly. Any suggestions?

Perennially Pacing in Pashtun Province

Dear Perennially Pacing,

Ah yes, I too remember well the labial maiming of my firstborn female. It is a very special occasion indeed. Here are a few tips to help with your big day:

• Do not use anything sharp for the ceremony such as a well-honed scalpel or a new razor blade. This will produce too clean of a cut and render the entire “mutilation” moot. I recommend a broken conch shell or a rusty fan blade. In a pinch you can simply gnaw off the offending organ, but this is not as desirable an option in my opinion.
• As the proud father just remember that everyone will want a piece of you on this day. Make sure to slow down and enjoy the moment. It will fly by quicker than you realize.
• Except for the obvious need during the ceremony, make sure her skin is completely covered. A genital mutilation can quickly turn into death by stoning; let’s focus on one rite of passage at a time!
• Be sure to have enough food. I still recall with horror a mutilation I attended in the mid-90s. Everything went off beautifully during the ceremony, but at the after-party all they had was a six-pack of chick pea cola and a single tray of “Jews-in-a-blanket.” To call this “poor form” would be an understatement of the first order.

I hope I have been of assistance. Enjoy your day!

Although he is not a licensed therapist, Islamic Rage Boy is a clinical jihadist with expertise in a wide array of areas including: floral arrangements, etiquette, English grammar usage, homeopathy, and animal grooming.

With Islamic Rage Boy(TM) making the rounds lately, TNOYF thought it was the proper time to present an exclusive Islamic Rage Boy retrospective. Look for Islamic Rage Boy’s New Advice Column here at TNOYF next week, as well as his new exploits fighting freedom and justice with sidekick Mini Mullah.

But before this trip down memory lane, we suggest you first enjoy the dulcet tones of Islamic Rage Boy, who launched his music career shortly after joining The Nose On Your Face.

Islamic Rage Boy’s Christmas Hit, Infidels.

Islamic Rage Boy and the TNOYF House Band singing “Baby What a Pack of Lies.”

And Islamic Rage Boy’s Very First Video, “I Don’t Know Why I’m Aroused By These Things”

And when you’re finished, take a trip to the Islamic Rage Boy Store, where you can buy some of the fabulous Islamic Rage Boy T-Shirts modeled below by Cindy Sheehan, Nancy Pelosi, and Michael Moore.

On the heels of his stunning turn in Yentl II,  Islamic Rage Boy has agreed to play the role of Bluto in a re-make of Animal House that is scheduled for a summer, 2007 release. 

Although the studio has agreed to modify the original story line to accommodate Islamic Rage Boy’s acting strengths, certain key scene revisions remain sticking points in the battle between studio executives and Rage Boy representatives.  Our inside sources gave us some of the areas that Islamic Rage Boy has demanded changes:

• Delta House be re-named “House of Allah.”
• When the misfit freshman are deliberately guided to a table of undesirable rushees, Islamic Rage Boy is insisting that the turban-wearing Muslim misfit be removed and replaced with Woody Allen wearing a yarmulke.
• When Bluto tries to rally the Delta House brothers with the famous line, “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor,” Rage Boy wants the line changed to, “Was it over when the Infidels Invaded the Holy land?”
• After Bluto destroys the guitar of the student singing “I gave my love a cherry,” Islamic Rage Boy wants to take the jagged edge of the guitar neck and plunge it into the heart of the singer.
• Islamic Rage Boy wants Dean Wormer to be a Hasidic Jew who’s head he severs during the end parade scene.

This week’s dinner at the White House had an awkward moment when Islamic Rage Boy, disguised as Grammy-award winning performer Usher, broke into the dining room and cleaved off the head Afghan President Hamid Karzai.

Rage Boy was apparently angered by Karzai’s sampling of the bacon-wrapped water chestnuts.

After a brief pause, Pakistani President Musharaff continued to read aloud from his new book, “In the Line of Fire.”

Emboldened by his recent interview with Chris Wallace, Bill Clinton agreed to sit down with our very own Islamic Rage Boy.

Things deteriorated quickly when Clinton tapped Islamic Rage Boy’s knee.  No one taps Islamic Rage Boy’s knee, particularly hedonistic ex-Presidents. 

Islamic Rage Boy was happy that he secured a piece of President Clinton’s nose for “The Nose On Your Face’s” collection.  However, we’re still trying to figure out what to do with the finger tip.

In an effort to find a presence to balance the strong personality of Rosie O’Donnell, producers of “The View” have recruited Islamic Rage boy to join the show effective immediately.

“We’re looking to mix it up,” said one show insider.  “We think Rage Boy will fit in well, and provide a much-needed Islamo-fascist male point of view.”

Rumors of tension on the set are exaggerated, according to the source.

“Look, Islamic Rage Boy keeps kidding Elizabeth Hasselbeck that he’s going to cut her spleen out and eat it in front of her.  It’s standard host to host ribbing.  We see it all the time.”

In a blockbuster deal that was completed just hours before the trading deadline, the GOP is announcing they have moved New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg to the Independent Party.

Apart from his stunning victory over trans-fat last year, the 62-year-old Bloomberg has never quite realized his enormous potential, instead becoming something of a political journeyman.  

“Right from the beginning you could see this guy had talent,” said Bloomberg biographer Cecil T. Wabash. “There was simply no denying it. However, he also had a sort of ‘political wanderlust‘ that caused him to go whichever way the wind was blowing. In his high school days he was a steadfast Whig. When he got to college and went through some experimentation, he vacillated between the Peace and Freedom Party, and the Greens. And although he doesn’t talk much about his time as a Christian Falangist, I maintain that he did some of his best work in those months.”

While the final details of the deal have not yet been announced, sources say that in exchange for Bloomberg, the Republicans are requiring that the Independents also take Chuck Hagel, John McCain, and a RINO to be named later.

For his part Bloomberg allowed that changing party affiliations so frequently can be confusing and also quite costly. However, he is able to keep spending on party paraphenalia down with the aid of political apparel that uses Velcro technology.

Oversexed men the world over are breathing a collective sigh of relief today upon hearing the news that the FDA has preliminarily approved the use of Helen Thomas photographs for combating hyper-erectilism.

The Thomas photographs will fall under the classification of drugs known as “tool softeners” and may be available as an over-the-counter medication as early as this November.    

“I can’t tell you how pleased I am to hear about the FDA’s decision,” said hyper-erectile sufferer James Ludiger. “No longer will I have to download low-quality, bootleg copies of White House press conferences from YouTube. Now I can simply tame my unruly member via this great, new over-the-counter product.”