At the low end of the dial where the big networks roam

you will find a large creature with a mouth chock full o’ foam.

She goes by the handle “The Larynx” my friends

but take care, she’s been known to let bilge fly out of both ends.

When it comes to insightful, well-reasoned discourse

I’m afraid she is far below par for the course.

When logic comes calling she treats him quite rude

and when reason drops by she puts out tainted pet food.

“My name is the Larynx I speak for the loons,

for the unfortunate souls who eat pork chops with spoons.

For those who are sure that the sky is not blue

and last but not least, those who eat their own poo.”

She fancies herself a do-gooder, a righter of wrongs

a latter day Robin Hood (’cept with a large strap-on schlong).

Now late in the evening, some people they say,

if you try oh so hard you will find that you may

just be able to hear that old Larynx grow sourer

and recite conspiracy theories til the wee morning hourers.

“As I’ve said I’m the Larynx, and I speak for Iran

and for poor freedom fighters in Afghanistan.

I also stand tall with the Hezbollah lads

who, if you take the time to know, aren’t really half bad.

In fact you will find they’re like me and like you,

just with slight ticking sounds and the faintest ‘kabooms’.

What do these poor Muslim folks have in common besides a disdain for booze?

Why they’ve been vilified by that foul Bush and his Jews!”

For the Larynx you see, no matter the world’s ills,

faults her president first, kicks him dead in the pills.

“That Bush, oh that Bush, that wretched old cad

nothing good’s come from him, just snoogles of bad.

That demon caused AIDS. He’s the reason for ribbons.

I have pictures that prove it of him and three gibbons.

That’s not all this nefarious fiend has begot,

why he’s caused more despair than the Floo-flimmered Flot!

Global warming? You bet. Katrina? No doubt.

What’s more I have proof he’s who let the dogs out!”

When that Larynx gets rolling she will screech and she’ll sputter

she’ll gabble and grouse, oh the things she does utter!

She’s not easy to stop when she’s gone on a rant

(some people believe that you actually can’t).

Now, for all of her bluster she’s quite easy to stun

follow these two simple steps and the job will be done.

The two things you’ll need to stagger her quick?

Just a long chapter book and a window to lick.

For more Seussian tales see: Sir Richard of Durbin

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007 at 6:04 am and is filed under Conservative satire, Hollywood, Poetry. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.