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France Urges Diplomacy For Earth-Threatening Asteroid
The news that an asteroid will pass close to Earth in 2036 prompted a group of scientists to recommend Saturday that the United Nations arrange an international space mission to deflect the threatening space rock.
France, however, immediately issued a statement urging restraint against “a seemingly lovely space rock we know nothing about,” and claimed that the United States was behind the call to take aggressive action.
“Once again, the United States is rattling sabers when diplomacy hasn’t had a chance to work,” said French spokesman Serge Betain. “We must use the United Nations to convince the world that what we think is a life-threatening boulder hurtling through space may actually be a peaceful mission from a far away planet.”
The French offered an alternative plan that calls for efforts to communicate with the asteroid via 24 hour broadcasting of a radio signal into space.  Against a back drop of Enya music, French actor Gerard Depardieu will apologize to the asteroid that the Earth is in its path and ask what the two celestial bodies can do together to avoid a catastrophe.Â
Betain went on to slam the world for what he called “blatant Earth-centric thinking.”
“When you think about it, exactly who is in whose path? Have we considered the point of view of the asteroid? Perhaps, as we speak, they are scurrying around planning to divert us. How does that feel?”
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Found this on DIGG. Loved the article. Love the satire. Checked out the rest of your site and is now bookmarked.
Brilliant.
aceg and V the K: Thanks, and keep visiting. Gerard Depardieu is counting on you.
R.H. Potfry
Enya music? That just might drive the asteroid away all by itself.
I think the Enya music would enrage the asteroid and strengthen its resolve to impact with us, destroying us utterly. When faced with a potentially planet killing rock, the only choice is to rock back.
Freebird, baby. Freebird!
Of course, hostilities will only turn the solar system into a breeding ground for radical asteroids bent on our destruction, so the problem will get worse. How many asteroids live in France now?
The Asteroid is well named for Frenchmen.They bend over for and grab their toes at the hint of trouble.
Long Weekend…
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Lileks on the Asteroid…
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What would really be funny is the asteroid answering the French.
Then what?