Think your blog is top-notch? Send an email to Potfry@aol.com and info@thenoseonyourface.com and tell us why. Each week, Potfry and I will pick one and interview him/her live on our radio show on Saturday morning, (from 8AM-10AM EST). As for the winners, they will not have to be interviewed by us.

What, you didn’t know that we were on the radio? Are you astounded? Concerned? Worried that satire and mocking doesn’t translate to live talk? Welcome to our nightmare!

“The Buckley and Potfry Experiment” debuted on Wide Awakes Radio this past Saturday. We spent a couple of hours talking about current events, mimicking Mel Gibson, trying to determine who would win a fight between a Siberian Tiger and a Polar Bear (I think I proved my point here), explaining why we wanted to hold Bette Midler under water (only briefly), and reading select out-takes from our blogs (we got stuck).

The format of the show is going to evolve as we find out what works and what is repulsive (we’re looking for a nice blend of the two with an emphasis on the latter).

Be sure and tune in (go to Wide Awakes Radio and click the “listen live” button in the top left corner), and call us (1-888-407-1776) to talk live on the air. It’s a chance to share your thinking with literally ones of listeners.

Note: New articles will appear below this post.

Think your blog is top-notch? Send an email to Potfry@aol.com and info@thenoseonyourface.com and tell us why. Each week, Potfry and I will pick one and interview him/her live on our radio show on Saturday morning, (from 8AM-10AM EST). As for the winners, they will not have to be interviewed by us.

What, you didn’t know that we were on the radio? Are you astounded? Concerned? Worried that satire and mocking doesn’t translate to live talk? Welcome to our nightmare!

“The Buckley and Potfry Experiment” debuted on Wide Awakes Radio this past Saturday. We spent a couple of hours talking about current events, mimicking Mel Gibson, trying to determine who would win a fight between a Siberian Tiger and a Polar Bear (I think I proved my point here), explaining why we wanted to hold Bette Midler under water (only briefly), and reading select out-takes from our blogs (we got stuck).

The format of the show is going to evolve as we find out what works and what is repulsive (we’re looking for a nice blend of the two with an emphasis on the latter).

Be sure and tune in (go to Wide Awakes Radio and click the “listen live” button in the top left corner), and call us (1-888-407-1776) to talk live on the air. It’s a chance to share your thinking with literally ones of listeners.

Note: New articles will appear below this post.

Think your blog is top-notch? Send an email to Potfry@aol.com and info@thenoseonyourface.com and tell us why. Each week, Buckley F. Williams and I will pick one and interview them live on our radio show on Saturday, from 8AM-10AM EST.

What, you didn’t know that we were on the radio? Are you astounded? Concerned? Worried that satire and mocking doesn’t translate to live talk? Welcome to our nightmare!

“The Buckley and Potfry Experiment” debuted on Wide Awakes Radio this past Saturday. We spent a couple hours talking about current events, mimicking Mel Gibson, trying to determine who would win a fight between a Siberian Tiger and a Polar Bear, explaining why we wanted to hold Bette Midler under water, and reading select out-takes from our blogs.

The format of the show is going to evolve as we find out what works and what is repulsive (we’re looking for a nice blend of the two).

Be sure and tune in, and call us to talk live on the air. It’s a chance to share your thinking with maybe dozens of listeners.

The saga of Mel Gibson’s DUI arrest took an unexpected turn today when the transcript of the arresting officer’s conversation with the acclaimed actor/producer was leaked to the public.

“I was a bit starstruck at first when I pulled him over,” said the arresting officer, L.A. County Sheriff’s Deputy James Mee. “I mean, this was Mel-freakin’-Gibson. I’ve been a huge fan of his since I was a kid. But after talking to him for about five seconds I realized that this was going to be business as usual.”

Suspecting that there might be trouble, Deputy Mee made the decision to audiotape the encounter:

Deputy Mee: Do you know why I pulled you over Mr. Gibson?

Mel Gibson: I answer to no man. And who is this ‘Mr. Gibson’ you speak of with such familiarity?

Deputy Mee: The way you were driving you almost hit that guy a few miles back.

Mel Gibson: He looked English to me.

Deputy Mee: If he hadn’t jumped out of the way he’d be dead!

Mel Gibson: Aye, if he had stayed in my path he might have died, and if I drove sober he’d likely live. At least a while. And dying in his bed many years from now, would he be willing to trade all the nights from this night to that for one chance, just one chance, to stay out of the mother-f***ing road while I was driving?!?!?

Deputy Mee: He was on the sidewalk when your car jumped the curb.

Mel Gibson: Lies!

Deputy Mee: License and registration please.

Mel Gibson: Did the vile fiend Edward the Long-shanks produce a license when he instituted his policies of theft, rape and murder on my countrymen?

Deputy Mee: Your countrymen?

Mel Gibson: Aye. My fellow Scotsmen.   

Deputy Mee: Ummm… your Australian aren’t you?

Mel Gibson: I answer to none save the Almighty.

Deputy Mee: Please step out of the car slowly and leave your hands where I can see them Mr. Gibson.

Mel Gibson: I think not. From what I’ve heard thus far, I have reason enough to suspect that you are merely a pawn of the Long-shanks.

Deputy Mee: Are you disobeying a direct order from a police officer?

Mel Gibson: From your kind? Absolutely. Here are my terms. Lower your weapon, and drive your iron horse straight back to your garrison stopping on your way to give a bottle of Glenfiddich to every Scotsman you see…

Deputy Mee: (Into his radio) I’m gonna need some back up on this one.

Mel Gibson: …along the way. Do this and you may live. Do it not and I’ll cut your f***ing head off! (Pulling out a six-foot sword)… You may take my life… but you’ll never take… my car keysssss!!!! 

Deputy Mee: Better make it quick.

End of transcript.

Be sure and link over to Basil’s Blog and post questions for the Potfry interview. Questions close this Sunday night.

“Peace Mom” Cindy Sheehan wows the crowd at her new Crawford, Texas ranch with her patented “boa floss” move from her critically acclaimed burlesque show, “The Gastrointestinal Monologues.”

The performance was part of the larger week long festivities from the first annual “I’m Doing This All For You Casey! Pork Barbecue & Hunger Strike Housewarming Extravaganza“.

Technorati tags: Cindy Sheehan, Crawford, Texas, Bush, hunger strike, Code Pink, conservative, satire, humor

In a development that has shocked the world, U.S. President George W. Bush stated yesterday that he is in fact a mutant with superhuman abilities and from henceforth would like to be referred to as “Professor W”. President Bush, who revealed his secret upon deplaning from Air Force One, noted that he made the decision to go public with his biological status in an attempt to “strengthen the human-mutant bonds that have been so severely damaged over the past six years by the evil mutant community.”

When his assertion was met with skepticism by members of the press, President Bush used his powers to turn Helen Thomas into a shriveled up old shrew.

“There. You see that?” the President asked rhetorically after completing the relatively minor transformation. “That is only a sample of what my powers can accomplish against the forces of evil and stupidity. Don’t test me.”

RNC Operative DNC Chairman Howard Dean stated he was unimpressed by the President’s claims.

“I am unimpressed by the President’s claims,” stated DNC Chairman Howard Dean. “That Helen Thomas stunt was meaningless. A fourth grader with a Harry Potter magic kit could have pulled it off. If he wants to impress me, he should do something meaningful to unite the country- like naming Ben & Jerry’s our national ice cream.”

Dean declined to comment when he was asked if he was referring to a fourth grader from a public or a parochial school.

Technorati tags: Howard Dean, Bush, Republican, satire, humor, conservative

Potfry has uncovered a transcript of the phone conversation between members of the doomed UN outpost in Lebanon and the Israeli Defense Force, as they desperately plead with them to stop bombing so closely.

IDF: “Hello, you’ve reached the Israeli Defense Force Helpline. All of our operators are busy helping other bombing targets. Please hold. Your call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes.”

UNIFIL Employee: “Hello!?! SOMEONE?!”

( Music: The Girl from Ipanema)
UNIFIL Employee: “GOOD GOD, SOMEONE PICK UP! This is the UN calling. That last bomb was way too $%#(@ close!”

IDF: “Please continue to hold. Did you know that you can get most of your questions answered online? Just visit the IDF website and click on “Why are you bombing me?”

UNIFIL Employee: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP! SOMEONE-“

IDF: “Hi, this is Hanah. How can I help you?”
UNIFIL Employee: “Oh, thank God! I’m calling from the UN post near the border. The bombs are getting closer and closer. Please radio your planes and tell them we’re here.”

IDF: “OK, calm down. Did you say you were with the UN?”
UNIFIL Employee: “YES! We’re near the-“ (LOUD EXPLOSION)
“JESUS CHRIST! DID YOU HEAR THAT!”
IDF: “I did. Is that your TV? You should turn it down-”

UNIFIL Employee: “IT’S NOT MY GOD DAMN TV YOU ZIONIST IDIOT. THAT’S YOUR GOD FORSAKEN WAR PLANES BOMBING THE &$(# OUT OF US!”
IDF: “OK. I’ll see what I can do. But first, a couple questions.”
UNIFIL Employee: “What?”

IDF: “How long has UNIFIL been in Lebanon?”
UNIFIL Employee: “Huh? I have no idea. Why are you-“ (LOUD EXPLOSION)
HOLY %&#$!!!! WHAT THE-“

IDF: “The correct answer is 28 years.”

UNIFIL Outpost: “YOUR #$&# MOTHER $%%# GOATS YOU $#&# JEWISH $&#$!! GIVE ME SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP-“

(EXPLOSION)

UNIFIL Outpost: ‘ARRGGH, IT BURNS!!! OK, OK 28 YEARS.”
IDF: “That’s much better. Are you ready for Question 2?”

UNIFIL EMPLOYEE: “Look, you sound like a reasonable woman. Please. I’m worried about-” (EXPLOSION)

“SWEET JESUS!! OK, OK, QUESTION 2.”
IDF: “In those 28 years, how many times has UNIFIL prohibited Hezbollah from crossing over into Israel to meance Israelis?”
UNIFIL Outpost: “UH. UM. TWICE?”

IDF: “Wrong answer.”

(EXPLOSION)

UNIFIL OUTPOST: “HOLY #$@& !! PIERRE! YOU ARE ON FIRE! DROP AND ROLL!”
IDF: “The correct answer is never.”

UNIFIL OUTPOST: “KOFI ANNAN IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS! WE ARE PROTECTED BY UN CHARTER. YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”
IDF: “Hold on….My pilot is asking if you are the building with the large UN painted on the outside.”
UNIFIL OUTPOST: “YES! YES! YES! THAT’S US! SWEET MOTHER OF GOD, TELL HIM-“
IDF: “Yes, he sees you. Thanks for calling the IDF.”
UNIFIL OUTPOST: “Huh? Are we safe now? Can I-“
(EXPLOSION)

Cindy Sheehan is currently engaged in a hunger strike to protest the War in Iraq. Despite her weakened state, the Peace Mom has agreed to answer one question from her mail bag.
Dear Cindy:

How is your hunger strike going? I’ve been thinking of going on one as well, but I like to eat so much! How are you getting by?

Heavy Helen in Hartford, Ct.
Dear Heavy Helen:
I began a hunger strike on The Day that the Great Satan was born, known to the ignorant masses as the Fourth of July. I am doing it to protest the war in Iraq, but also because it was requiring an entire precinct of cops to carry me away from protests. This upset many of my Code Pink comrades since I was taking the attention of all the cops, leaving them un-arrested. Also the cops who carried me away usually required extensive rest afterwards (or in some cases medical attention). I am a selfless woman; I do not want my girth to deprive the others of the full protest experience.

Anyway, the hunger strike is going well. As you may know, I do allow myself to consume liquids, and occasionally mix in some protein to keep myself going. I originally kept myself to just some fruit drinks with protein powder, but then expanded it to include chocolate milk shakes and melted Cheese Wiz. The trick with the Cheese Wiz is that as it cools it loses its liquid status, so you have to wolf it down pretty quickly. This is inconvenient, but then I think of my dead son Casey and the man who murdered him, George Bush, and it makes the melted cheese go down much easier.

I’ve also discovered that McDonalds will puree a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese if you ask them. It’s an acquired taste, sort of like a Meat Milkshake, but it’s a whole lot more fulfilling than the god forsaken parsley and spinach shakes that that skinny twit Medea makes every day.

The one real challenge of this liquid-only diet is blender-capacity. I’ve burned through a couple in just a few weeks! So now, instead of a blender, I’ve rented a wood chipper, and it’s really expanded my liquid portfolio. Just last night, I blended 2 pounds of provolone, 4 honey-glazed hams, a couple jars of peanut butter and a dozen eggs and VIOLA! I had enough liquid to keep going for a week.

You should try a liquid diet if you want to lose weight. In fact, why don’t you come to my place? We can blend our meal in the chipper, put on some bathing suits and hop in!
Let me know, OK?

Love Cindy
P.S. Just how fat are you?

Guest Editorial-

by Ike Turner

Cindy Sheehan, Cindy Sheehan, Cindy Sheehan. Everywhere I turn it’s Cindy Mother-f—ing Sheehan with her loud mouth and big hunger striking ass. Who gave this trick a microphone and media access? Better yet, who’s been slipping her the feed bag filled with gravy-soaked bacon double cheeseburgers?

A hunger strike? I ain’t never seen a hunger strike have the sort of effect on a woman like Cindy’s has had on her. If she wasn’t able to explain away those propeller marks on her back as a childhood incident that occurred when her daddy ‘accidentally’ threw her under an outboard motor, I’d swear to God she was a manatee. I’m still suspicious about that alibi. Girl, a little more fasting and I can get you some work as a stunt double in the Fahrenheit 9/11 sequel. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice thick woman, but I’d have to put an end to all that yapping pronto. I know it’s supposedly a ‘new era’ where women are allowed to speak their minds and learn things, and all that junk, and I think that’s sort of cute. In small doses.

Believe me when I tell you, if she was my woman, I’d have her in check. No travelling around the country to protest the president (last time I checked, the president is a man and where I come from ain’t no woman gonna protest a man). No more going on television and giving her opinion on foreign affairs, politics or anything else. Period.

However, just to show her that I am somewhat of an enlightened individual, I am willing to make some concessions. She can still pitch a tent in the back yard of the house and invite her lady friends to sleep over. As many as she’d like and as often as she’d like. Provided, of course, that they get on the Cindy Diet and not Saddam’s version (he’s still my man, but the boy is starting to look a bit gaunt).

Thanks to: Point Five, Wizbang, Samantha Burns

Technorati tags: Cindy Sheehan, hunger strike, Saddam Hussein, conservative, satire, humor 

Attorneys from the ACLU have stepped forward to offer their legal assistance to grieving mother Andrea Yates as her re-trial for the murder of her five children gets underway in Houston. When Yates’ 2002 conviction was recently overturned by an appellate court on a technicality, the renowned civil liberties organization was more than happy to take up her cause.

“Let’s not forget what this woman has been through,” stated ACLU attorney Drab Futar. “She lost all five of her children in a tragic drowning incident just a few short years ago. Worse than that, she actually had to witness the incident first hand. She has been traumatized and re-traumatized more than most of Ike Turner’s lady friends. And now the government wants to lock her up, and in the process  take away her freedom and therefore her civil rights? Talk about adding insult to injury!”

Yates’ attorneys plan to enter a plea of insanity on her behalf noting that she was a “full-on perfectionist” who became distraught at the notion of failing as a parent.

“Ms. Yates is the victim in this case,” said Futar. “She was so despondent at the thought of not being competent as a parent, that she merely eliminated that possibility. How much more selfless can you get? I’ll tell you one thing- I’ve never met a finer ex-parent.”

Mr. Futar went on to say that he felt that the sentence of life in prison that a conviction carries would “clearly be disproportionate to the alleged crime.”

A fascinating audio clip of a conversation between former Democratic White House hopefuls John Kerry and John Edwards found it’s way into our hands late last night. After authenticating the tape and consulting with our editorial review board, we decided that the public had a right to be informed of the contents.

During the course of the conversation, the two men criticized President Bush and his handling of the Middle East situation in the strongest, most absurd terms possible. At one point Senator Kerry went as far as to say that had he been the Commander-in-Chief, the recent hostilities in Lebanon between Israel and Hezbollah would not have occurred.

But perhaps the good senator protested a bit too strongly and absurdly. The following transcript reveals what many have believed to be true for quite some time: that the verbal politico-diarrhea coming from many on the left is disingenuous and that Kerry, and likely many others, is nothing but an undercover shill for the Republican Party. 

Beginning of transcript:

JK: “So then I said, ‘If I were president this incident in Lebanon would never have happened’.”

JE: “No you did not!”

JK: “Oh yes indeed I did.”

JE: “With a straight face?”

JK: “Do I have a different kind?”

JE: “Good point. You better be careful though. I am getting the feeling that they might be on to us.”

JK: “I doubt it. Who would ever believe that we are clandestine GOP operatives?”

JE: “Umm. Anyone who listens to what actually comes out of your ketchup-hole?”

JK: “I think not. As long as we have ‘D’s’ after our names we are untouchable. All we have to do is keep up the crazy leftist charade for a bit longer and we’ll be on easy street, just like Karl said.”

JE: “Fair enough. So what’s next?”

JK: “Next we call a press conference and I’ll announce that if I were president that I would have gotten the hot dog makers and bun manufacturers together by now to address the issue of them packaging and selling their respective products in the same increments.”   

JE: “Uh-huh.”

JK: “Then I send Teresa on a multi-state speaking tour armed with nothing but a helium tank and ten cases of Jolt! cola.” 

JE: “Brilliant.”

End of transcript.

Judging by Bill Clinton’s recent track record of endorsing candidates, we had a hunch that Senator Joe Liebermann might have been a bit nervous upon learning that he was going to receive support from the former President. 

After discovering that we were correct in our assessment, we asked the likable Connecticut Senator to compile a list of the top 9 things he would prefer to this political kiss-of-death.

His responses: 

9. An NPR-caliber voice.

8. Mike Tyson’s Rorschach Test results.

7. Top-billing at the Carnival of the Insanities.

6. Michael Moore’s blood sugar level.

5. A non-laminated 8×10 glossy of Ken Rigberg.

4. Being Ashley Judd’s boyfriend’s ears.

3. Sitting through Gigli: The Musical starring Susan Estrich and Paul Lynde. 

2. Paris Hilton’s viral load count.

1. A one-way ticket to the North Pole and a wounded baby seal costume.

Thanks to: Discarded Lies, Conservative Cat, Don Surber, Stop The ACLU, Expose The Left, Point Five, Samantha Burns, Wizbang!